Friday, June 27, 2008

Robot Jokes

30 comments:

Diz iz 4 me Fanz said...

Where does a robot go on holiday?
Wireland
Q) Why did the robot cross the road?

A) Because he was programed to do so.

HAHAHAHA…

Q) What’s a robot’s favorite cereal?

A) Rob-os. (Note: Rob-os are made of the tears of human children.)

Q) Why did the robot order a milkshake?

A)To blend in with the general human population, making it easier to infiltrate society and—in time—conquer it.

Jlemons said...

1. What position does a robot play in football?
Roback

2.What did the robot say to his new bride?
We are wired up now baby!

3. Why did the robot turn into a ghost?
He just couldn't rust in peace.

4. Q: Why was the robot confused?
A: His botmaster told him to shut his mouth and eat his supper.

unrealatl11 said...

1.How do you say robot backwards?
Robotbackwards
2.What did the robot say to his new bride?
We are wired up now baby
3.What did one robot say to the other?
Your wires are showing
4.Why did Andy The Robot get stuck on Margie?
She was a magnet!


Brandon Trammell

Loreal Spencer said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
phxmvp13 said...

1. What position did the robot play in baskeball ?
Power foward
2. What's a robot's favourite film?
Raiders of the Lost Spark
3.What's a robot's favourite book?
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Wire
4.A rabbi, an Arab, a robot, and a Catholic priest walk into a bar. Only the robot exits.

A robot walks into a pharmacy. The pharmacist asks him if he'd like anything. The robot replies, "A soul."

How do you stop a robot from destroying you and the rest of civilization?
You don't.

"Waiter! Waiter! What's this robot doing in my soup?"
"It looks like he's performing human tasks twice as well, because he knows no fear or pain."

Knock knock.
Who's there?
A robot.
Oh, shit.

What's the difference between a regular robot and a killer robot?
The gnawing jeers of men.

What's a robot's favorite cereal?
Rob-os.
(Note: Rob-os are made of the tears of human children.)

Little Susie tosses a clock out the window. A robot inquires, "Why did you do that?" She replies, "I wanted to see time fly!" The robot says, "Ah ... A perfect subject for elimination," and shoots her with a laser beam through the face.

Why did the robot order a milkshake?
To blend in with the general human population, making it easier to infiltrate society and—in time—conquer it.

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was a robot.

Anonymous said...

Anybody know any good robot jokes?
Q: Why was the robot confused?
A: His botmaster told him to shut his mouth and eat his supper.
Re: Robot Jokes


Programmers never get old.
They just can't C as well.

Can a Robot Go Downstairs?
A: Only Once.
Why did the robot turn into a ghost?
He just couldn't rust in peace.

true baller said...

Henry Brooks


ROBOT HUMOR - JOKES
[1] What’s Silver and Lies in the Grass ? R2 Doo Doo…
[2] In 40 years robots will be doing most of the work Humans don’t want to do;
especially illegal robots from Mexico.
[3] A ventriloquist doing a nightclub gig with his dummy on his knee tells a dumb
robot joke; a beverage service robot stops and shouts at the ventriloquist.
“What gives you the right to stereotype artificial intelligence that way? You
should be ashamed of yourself”.
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer an apology.
“You keep out of this, buster!” it yells, “I’m talking to the little idiot on your
knee.”
[4] A golfer walks into the clubhouse of the local country club. He tells the golf
pro behind the counter that he wants to do 18 and he is going to need a caddy. The
golf pro informs him that the country club is running a promotion and if he tries
out one of their experimental robot caddies, he can golf for free.
The golfer agrees and takes out the robot caddy. While on the golf course
the robot caddy tells the golfer the wind speed, distance, even how hard to hit
which club. He has the best game of his life.
The next time the golfer goes to the country club, he tells the golf pro that he
wants to do 18 holes and that he wants to get one of the robot caddies. The pro
informs the golfer that they don't have the robot caddies anymore.
The golfer, all upset, tells him how great they were and asks him what
happened. The golf pro tells him that members were complaining that the sun
would reflect of their metallic material and into their eyes.
The golfer asks him why they didn't just paint the robots black?
The golf pro said that they did, but the next day, 3 of them didn't show up
and the other 3 robbed the pro shop.

c.floyd said...

Christopher Floyd


ROBOT JOKES

1.What's a robot's favourite book?
His Spark Materials
2.What is a robot's favourite arcade machine?
Sparkanoid
3.What's a robot's favourite song?
Light My Wire
4.What's a robot's favourite dessert?
Circuit Cocktail
5.What's a robot's favourite film?
Raiders of the Lost Spark

kay kay said...

What web browser would a robot use?
Wirefox.

What's a robot's favourite book?
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Wire

What does a robot eat for breakfast?
Circuity Pebbles

What's a robot's favourite film?
Donnie Sparko

Do Try said...

What does a robot eat for dinner?
Beef Coganoff

What's a robot's favourite film?
Reservoir Cogs

What’s Silver and Lies in the Grass ?
R2 Doo Doo…

How many robots does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three – one to hold the
bulb and two to turn the ladder

In 40 years robots will be doing most of the work Humans don’t want to do;
especially illegal robots from Mexico

kenyata said...

Q:why did the robot turn into a ghost?
A:he just couldnt rust in peace.

Q: Why was the robot confused?
A: His botmaster told him to shut his mouth and eat his supper

Q:Why did Joe The Robot stagger out of the bar?
A:He had one charge to many.

Q:What did the robot say to his new bride?
A:We are wired up now baby!

kay kay said...

1. He is the man who plotted against the mayor believed to be a robot.
2.Because he was never seen sleeping or eating in piblic.
3. He eats an appleto prove that he is human because robots can't eat apples.
4. He is interviewed, and asked to eat an apple, and may include the police.
5.Giving a speech at heckler on stage. the man came on stage and asked the so called mayor to punch him.Because robots won't harm humans.
6. He turns out to be a replica of the real mayor, because real man was in an accident which messed up his face.

Unknown said...

Where does a robot go on holiday?
Wireland



What's a robot's favourite book?
A Circuitable Boy



What's a robot's favourite film?
Cogville

What's a robot's favourite film?
Reservoir Cogs

Phillip said...

What is a robot's favourite arcade machine?
Sparkanoid

What's a robot's favourite album?
Spark Side Of The Moon

What's a robot's favourite song?
Light My Wire

What's a robot's favourite film?
Reservoir Cogs

Unknown said...

A robot walks into a bar, orders a drink, and lays down some cash.

Bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve robots."

And the robot says, "Oh, but someday you will."

----------------------------------

"what does your robot do, sam?
it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls"

----------------------------------

When purchasing a robot the first thing to do is find the emergency kill switch.


There is a good comic strip in there somewhere.. a person hits the switch -- then the robot kills the person.

Unknown said...

A robot walks into a bar, orders a drink, and lays down some cash.

Bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve robots."

And the robot says, "Oh, but someday you will."

----------------------------------

"what does your robot do, sam?
it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls"

----------------------------------

When purchasing a robot the first thing to do is find the emergency kill switch.


There is a good comic strip in there somewhere.. a person hits the switch -- then the robot kills the person.

J.C. said...

What did X2 The Robot say to two robots he just met?



Hello! Hello!

Why did Joe The Robot stagger out of the bar?


He had one charge to many.

What position does a robot play in football?


Roback

What did the robot say to his new bride?


We are wired up now baby!

What did one robot say to the other?


Your wires are showing!

Why did the robot cross the road?


She was programmed to do so.

What do you get when you cross a robot with a computer?


A techhead!

How do you say robot backwards?


Robotbackwards!

Why did Andy The Robot get stuck on Margie?


She was a magnet!

What did the robot say to his girlfriend?


I'm sparking all over you!

What did the robot athlete say to his teammate?


Let's go kick some robut!

Unknown said...

1.A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A fellow came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replied, "150." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about Quantum physics, string theory, atomic chemistry, and so on.
What's robot's favourite song?
Robotel California

The man decided to test the robot. He walked out of the bar, turned around, and came back in for another drink. Again, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responded, "100." So the robot started talking about football, baseball, beer, and so on.

Amazed, the man went out and came back in a third time. As before, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "50."

The robot then said, "So, you gonna vote for Bush again?"

2.2.Where does robot go on holiday?
Robotswana

3.Where does robot go on holiday?
Robote D'Ivoire


4.The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."

nadya.burrell said...

1.) A rabbi, an Arab, a robot, and a Catholic priest walk into a bar. Only the robot exits.
2.)A robot walks into a pharmacy. The pharmacist asks him if he'd like anything. The robot replies, "A soul."
3.) How do you stop a robot from destroying you and the rest of civilization?
You don't.
4.)What's the difference between a regular robot and a killer robot?
The gnawing jeers of men.

diandra said...

What web browser would a robot use?
Wirefox.


Where does a robot go on holiday?
The Mech Republic

What's a robot's favourite film?
Donnie Sparko

What is a robot's favourite arcade machine?
Sparkanoid

Austin said...

What's a robot's favourite film?
Raiders of the Lost Spark

What's a robot's favourite book?
His Spark Materials

What's a robot's favourite album?
Spark Side Of The Moon

What web browser would a robot use?
Wirefox.

Bryant Eubanks said...

1.A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool, he
noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to
attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"
The man thought a moment, then replied, "A martini, please".

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini
the man had ever had. The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your
IQ?"

The man answered, "Oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity,
inter-stellar space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc. .

The man was most impressed. He left the bar, but thought he would try
different tactic. He returned and took a seat.

Again, the robot clicked and asked what he would have.

A martini, please."

Again it was superb. The robot again asked, "What is your IQ, sir?"

; This time the man answered, "Oh, about 100". So the robot started
discussing NASCAR racing, bass fishing and what to expect the
Steelers to do this weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a
stool . . . Again a martini, and the question "What is your IQ?"

This time the man drawled out "Uh . . . 'bout 50."

The robot clicked, then leaned close and very slowly asked,


"A-r-e y-o-u-r p-e-o-p-l-e r-e-a-l-l-y g-o-i-n-g t-o
n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e H-i-l- l-a-r-y?"

2.A man goes to a public golf course.


He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie."

The man behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this: We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today."

The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.

He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job."

The robot caddie turned to the man and said, "No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole."

Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green.

The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance.

As the golfer pulled out his putter he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right."

The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left"

Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine.

He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice.

But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.

Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "How was your game ?" The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots.

See you next week.

A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop.

Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."

The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."

Confused, the golfer cried, "COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could've complained about those robots? They were incredible"

The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance.

It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way. "

The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"

The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. Then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them robbed the pro shop, and the other is running for President "
3.Yo robot so dumb we asked him to say the time tables. He said" THe Time Tables."
4.What do the robot do to kill himself? Turn off the switch.

christallee said...

----------------------------------

A robot walks into a bar, orders a drink, and lays down some cash.

Bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve robots."

And the robot says, "Oh, but someday you will."

When purchasing a robot the first thing to do is find the emergency kill switch.


There is a good comic strip in there somewhere.. a person hits the switch -- then the robot kills the person.

"what does your robot do, sam?
it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls"

Not really robots but funny none-the-less.


There are 10 kinds of people in the world.
Those who can read binary and
those who can't.

Bryant Eubanks said...

htyddiJerion Watkins

What did X2 The Robot say to two robots he just met?



Hello! Hello!

Why did Joe The Robot stagger out of the bar?


He had one charge to many.



What did the robot say to his new bride?


We are wired up now baby!



Why did the robot cross the road?


She was programmed to do so.

Jerion Watkins

Unknown said...

Why was the robot confused?
His brain was stolen off.

What 80's dance reminds a robot what to do at a party?
The Robot


What’s Silver and Lies in the Grass ? R2 Doo Doo

How many robots does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three – one to hold the
bulb and two to turn the ladder

Unknown said...

Q: Why was the robot confused?
A: His botmaster told him to shut his mouth and eat his supper


Q: Why did the robot turn into a ghost?
A: He just couldn't rust in peace.


In 40 years robots will be doing most of the work Humans don’t want to do;
especially illegal robots from Mexico.

A ventriloquist doing a nightclub gig with his dummy on his knee tells a dumb
robot joke; a beverage service robot stops and shouts at the ventriloquist.
“What gives you the right to stereotype artificial intelligence that way? You
should be ashamed of yourself”.
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer an apology.
“You keep out of this, buster!” it yells, “I’m talking to the little idiot on your
knee.”

Rod Sims said...

Why did the robot turn into a ghost?
He just couldn't rust in peace.

What did one robot say to the other?
Your wires are showing!

Why did Andy The Robot get stuck on Margie?
She was a magnet!

kiera lockley said...

1. Mother: “My, you’ve been working in the garden a lot this summer.”
Boy: “I have to because teacher told me to weed a lot.”

2. What brand of mobile phone does jokes/a robot use?
Jokesa Robotorola

3. A humaniod is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Where upon he asks the humaniod, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”

“Yes I am,” replies the humaniod, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the humaniod, “Brother have you found Jesus?”

The humanoid replies, “No, I haven't.” The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, “Have you found Jesus, my brother?”

The humanoid again answers, “No, I have not found Jesus.”

By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the humanoid in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.

When the humanoid begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the humanoid again, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?”

The humanoid wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

4. A robot and wife came for counselling after 15 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the robot and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The robot thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf."

kiera lockley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Phillip said...

What does a robot eat for dinner?
Couscous Chickpea Metalad

What's a robot's favourite book?
The God Of Metall Things

What's a robot's favourite film?
The Man Who Shot Liberty Metalance

Where does a robot go on holiday?
Metalta